Psychedelics Can Heal Our Families, Communities, Nations, and Begin a True Process Towards Decolonization
Courtesy of wallpaperfool.com
At approximately 4:19 A.M on July 15th, 2016, I slowly opened my eyes to a narrow waterfall of cascading fluorescent lights. Flickering in between the lights was a woman police officer, looking down at me with worried composure. Opposite her was a figure dressed in single-colored clothes I remembered from my mom’s healthcare drama shows on TV. Squinting with confusion, I looked down and saw that I was wearing a hospital gown. The gown was light blue, but the gradient slowly changed into a dark red as it got closer to my neck area. After tasting the dried flakes of iron on my lips, I brought my tongue back into my mouth. When I did, however, I felt a foreign object I wasn’t used to; a large portion of my left jaw bone was protruding into my mouth cavity. As I was trying to comprehend this other-worldly feeling, another familiarity passed above. This time in the form of a sign. On it read large, bold words: ICU. I was being pushed on a hospital bed through the Vancouver General Hospital’s Intensive Care Unit. July 14th saw me walking into several bars alone, and July 15th saw me laying in a hospital bed. Alone. It wasn’t until an hour or so later when my family arrived that they told me I was found slumped over on the sidewalk with a waterfall of blood releasing from my mouth – and without my wallet. I later found out I had all of my money in my bank account stolen, as well as my credit card had been maxed out.
My condition after being brought into the ICU.
I identify myself as Tŝlhqot’in. The word Tŝilhqot’in translates to ‘people of the galcier-rock river’. An identity my people have built upon the reciprocal relationship to tangible connections with the mountains, rivers, and lakes nestled between the coastal mountain range and the main arterial waterway of what is now British Columbia. To truly understand what that meant, however, I stumbled and tripped through several other identities. These identities were built upon intangible relationships with aspects of a society my ancestors had never known. These intangible relationships brought me superficial connections with things that I thought were real. And what I did was suppress inter-generational trauma I had inherited by being the son of a residential school survivor. In fact, seven of my eight uncles and aunts are survivors.
After two separate incidents of waking up in the hospital, I started to learn about the trauma I was suppressing; I attended sweat lodge ceremonies with elders and teachers in the Tseil-Watuth and Squamish nations who saw me for who I was. I began asking my mother, aunties, and uncles, who have survived residential schools, questions about our history and learning from strength with their answers, for every story they told me was a result of their resiliency in the face of incredible odds. The medicine, in different forms, began to connect me to the identity inside of me the entire time; an identity my ancestors held within me. I just needed a swift hit in the head to begin listening to their whispers. A tangible connection with the mountains that control our weather and the rivers that our salmon swim through.
An x-ray of the screws placed into my skull after my incident.
In a recent article, Potawatomi philosopher Kyle Whyte describes the “capitalist-colonialist matrix of oppression” as the system largely responsible for governing and destroying the life-giving relationships upon which humans depend, casting a wide net of self-perpetuating trauma onto the peoples living in the nation-states of Canada and the United States. This system is based upon what Vine Deloria Jr. in God is Red calls a “temporal” relationship with our world, that views time and progress as linear, and exploits the human ego and its desire for “more” and “better.” This exponentiation of ego-driven perceptions of ourselves and the world pushes our society further and further away from equanimity and obscures our relationship to what’s real: our connectedness to one another and Mother Earth. We are all but fractals of a larger spirit consciousness that shines as single points of awareness through our temporary human vessels.
Deloria Jr. argues that the temporal notion of time forced upon Indigenous peoples worldwide places “human history” as separate from “history of the world”. Believers of this temporal doctrine have create a society that embraces existential meaning in accordance to human actions and human actions only. To become writers of the human narrative. A narrative that only involves humans. No salmon. No eagles. No blue whales. Not even any mountains. Nor rivers. Or great oceans. A narrative that only exists in our minds. Ceremonial gatherings are now pilgrimages to watch sports teams bolstered by overt marketing. Morning prayers to the waters now involve driving up to the comforting smile at the Tim Hortons drive-thru window. But most of all, “happiness” is now found in the digital pixels of nonexistence that make up our bank accounts.
But, what happens when our favourite sports team disappears? What happens when our favourite brand goes bankrupt? Or if the pixels in our bank account become closer and closer to zero? What if the banks themselves have nothing in their accounts? What happens if our entire faux identity begins to dissolve? One can argue an existential crisis occurs. And since those factors are constantly occurring in one way or another, our society is made up of self-perpetuating existential crisis.
These existential conundrums require unprecedented ideas. One such idea, I propose, is the creation of an ‘Independent Medicine Council’. An ‘IMC’ is an independent body made up of trusted Indigenous healers who specialize in entheogenic (psychedelic) medicines in conjunction with psychologists and clinicians in psychedelic therapy, a field rapidly gaining renown. They would facilitate, guide, and develop intimate, long-lasting, relationship-building curriculums, in which communities, municipalities, and governments participate to come to agreements on particular controversial topics. The body would also facilitate goal-driven intentions by a singular party or persons. These events will occur either in a retreat-type setting or in and around the community of choice.
The curriculum, which would be unique to every party/parties involved, would see participants undergo multiple relationship-building dialogues, Indigenous ceremonies, and psychedelic assisted therapy sessions throughout a process that places importance on epiphany, dialogue, and connection. It would abide by traditional practices held by the Indigenous medicine healers and be accompanied by practices from certified Canadian psychedelic therapists and physicians. The traditional practices would also respect the protocols of the Indigenous lands on which the ceremonies take part.
My first experience with entheogenic medicines was ingesting psilocybin mushrooms that I personally grew. I spent nearly every day for four months tending, watering, and singing to my little fungi babies, and with that, a relationship sprouted with the mushrooms and myself – an experience I wanted to create, rather than receiving the mushrooms from somebody via a plastic bag. Before I took the medicine, I had read the go-to books such as Timothy Leary’s The Psychedelic Experience, James Fadiman’s The Psychedelic Explorer’s Guide, and Stanislav Grof’s The Holotropic Mind. I thought I was ready because I had done the extensive literary and obligitory “YouTube research”. However, nothing prepared me for the ineffable experience that occurred. I only took three grams of psilocybin mushrooms, but the orgasmic level of unconditional love that was shooting out of my body was a feeling I had never thought possible. Never in a million years did I know that much love could be felt. Among other notable experiences, I gained a new perspective of my trauma and how I identified myself with it. I was so used to conveniently attaching myself with my inherited trauma and jaw incident that I had felt comfort in using those as excuses. I was the masochistic writer of my own narrative that I enjoyed reading out loud to myself in the mirror. However, that epiphany only occurred because I was released from my old neurological pathway connections and felt reality for what it was; that I was a fractal of a singular spirit consciousness embodying the culminations of all of my ancestors.
The next big experience I had with these medicines occurred surrounded by the smell of spruce and the comforting sounds of a fire stove. I had recently completed a Vipassana meditation course in Merritt, B.C.. To celebrate, I rented a cabin by a lake and had with me two tabs of lysergic acid diethylamide, which is a type of alkaloid ergoline from the ergot fungi, commonly known as the infamous, heavy three-letter-acronym LSD. After the much more extensive research I underwent after my first experience, as well as coming off of 100 hours of meditation in 10 days, I felt I was adequately prepared for taking two tabs at once. Because I had already experienced other (much smaller) doses of LSD previously, I was well aware that the effects are two, sometimes three times longer than psilocybin experiences, often lasting around 10-13 hours. I also wanted to test myself, because since I am passionate about helping others through these journeys, I thought I should know how to deal with the “worst-case situations” on my own. So, I had placed freshly cut fruit and vegetables on a plate, I had multiple glasses of water at the ready, and I took out my phone and began recording audio. I grabbed the two blue shaded, paper-like tabs and took a deep breath. Two tabs of LSD is much, much, much more powerful than a 3g dose of psilocybin mushrooms, so I knew the experience ahead of me was going to be something in which I had never experienced before. However, I felt completely at ease with the uncertainty. I was ready to explore the ocean of my inner psyche. So, I gently placed the two tabs onto my tongue and jumped into the abyss – head first.
I knew the hot sweats and body trembling were symptoms of a coming ego-freeing experience, where my entire conceptualized identity would cease to exist as my spirit made the transition into becoming into a form I felt was “home”. The next feeling came up: I had to pee. Then, it felt like every molecule in my body needed to pee. A universal feeling of “JUST LET GO” encapsulated my entire being. The ego-freeing experience is essentially the transition between levels of awareness. We are currently aware of our thoughts or feelings – but not ALL of our thoughts or feelings. We aren’t constantly aware of the hairs growing out of our body, or our nails growing from our fingers. However, with enough training and focus, our awareness levels can increase. When I meditate and begin feeling the air pass by my nose, my awareness level is increased by my focusing on it with a clear mind. On two tabs of LSD, awareness levels becomes infinite. So, you could understand my surprise when I closed my mouth and had an uneasy feeling of it not completely shut. I was, with complete clarity, aware of the molecules between my closed jaw. Then, that feeling began to spread to my head, my torso, my arms, and finally my legs. I was becoming fully aware of the spaces between molecules within my entire body. Then, my eyesight began to shrink to the size of what I could describe as molecular. However, in order to experience an elevated sense of awareness of reality and other experiences, I first had to come to terms with leaving everything I was aware of; I am not my thoughts. I am not my trauma. I am not Trevor Mack. I am not even human. However, I was holding on too tightly to my ego and conceptualized self to completely let go. I found it too scary to become the size of molecules, and I would snap out of the ego-freeing moment every time it occurred. And it occurred many times an hour for what ended up being 15 straight hours. But, I felt that the entire structure of the universe and our reality was made up of a special force that holds everything together. I felt our closest word for it was love, so that’s how I now describe it. Our universe is kept together by love. Paradoxically, my learning experience could have been labelled a “bad trip” or as Terrence McKenna calls it, a “challenging trip”, it had me feeling even more love than I felt in my first psilocybin experience.
After my first psychedelic experience, I began to draw again. The last time I did was in my childhood. My sketches began to mirror how I perceived the world.
An experience that makes a person feel, rather then try to understand intellectually, is what will heal our communities, cities, provinces, and country. In other words, these medicines aren’t a band-aid like SSRIs (antidepressants), in contrast, the all-sensory experiences magnify the cause of said pain and gives a front row seat to confront it – and our ancestors knew all of this.
We can’t expect a country with roughly 35,000,000 people, a country that has countless “trade” agreements with others around the world, that has a military, and that has billions of dollars’ worth of energy extraction projects build on stolen Indigenous territories to simply say, “Ooooohhhhh, that’s what you folks meant when you said #decolonization. Oh okay, here’s your land back. Haha, my bad.” As amazing as it would be to have the Prime Minister of Canada take part in ceremony and exclaim, “THAT’S what you mean by consent!”, the curriculums created by an Independent Medicine Council would have to start small. In fact, there is no better place to start than our own Indigenous communities. There are many First Nations, Inuit, and Métis communities embracing a resurgence of culture and traditions that are incredibly inspiring. However, it would be a romanticization to say that all Indigenous people may experience joy brought about through the reclamation of ceremony and other traditions. In many communities on Turtle Island, suicide, addiction, and violence are still very much an everyday lived experience. In fact, because of colonization, most Indigenous communities face a much higher level of suicide, addiction and violence per-capita than settler-colonial communities and cities.
Bringing together community leaders with the wisdom and guidance of independent medicine healers and certified psychedelic clinicians can plant a beautiful seed with long-lasting benefits. Asking spiritual leaders, community health directors, youth coordinators, and even chief and council members to take part in intimate, relationship-building ceremonies where their own personal traumas are confronted, and a specific intention is set, can be an incredible opportunity to truly embody our medicines and teachings, create new goals based around shared experiences, and heal our own communities. IMCs can open up a facilitated space for navigating questions like, “how can we heal our community members?”, “how can we implement traditional activities within our youth programs?”, and “what does the 30-year plan look like for our community?” Not only are new neurological pathways in the participants brain’s created, but a special bond and understanding begins to blossom between everybody who journeyed together. The medicine travels through the intention and is brought into facilitated dialogue. A field begins to grow. Together.
I am now beginning to learn how to hold space in sweatlodge ceremonies on my family’s homestead in Tl’etinqox.
An Ashinaabe steward of the land, Stacy Gallagher, once said to me that he began his current incarnation in medicine. He spent his first nine months in the water of his mother’s womb. The place was dark, warm, and cozy. He didn’t have to worry about anything and he received nutrients anytime he wanted – it was perfect. Stanislav Grof, one of the most famous psychedelic therapists and researchers in the world, once said that every grasp at money, fame, recognition, and acceptance is a grasp at trying to become one with the womb again; to feel visceral comfortableness and absolute contentment with existence. However, some people realize – after many grasps at very unhealthy lifestyles that not only hurt us, our families, our communities, but also our Mother Earth – that nothing can replicate it. Stacy and Stanislav would agree on one thing, though: the closest experience to being one with the womb, one with our mothers, is ceremony.
These plant medicines that I have begun relations with have been integral parts of Indigenous identity for tens of thousands of years. Indigenous peoples all throughout Turtle Island and across the oceans have embraced their society's relationship with Mother Earth through these literal connections. In fact, in many Indigenous cultures around the world, they still bring healing, exploration, and knowledge to their peoples, and with it, a more intimate connection with themselves and Mother Earth.
Continuing my own healing journey, I took part in a special ceremony this past February. Red, orange, and cyan hues kissed the tops of the mango and ceiba trees overlooking our medicine hut in the outskirts of a small Belizean town. The comforting warm light transported from the setting sun to the candles signalled a beginning of my Yopo ceremony. The ceremony, traditionally conducted by the Yanomami and Piaroa peoples of South America, involves the ingestion of the sacred Yopo seeds, Anadenanthera Peregrina, through the nasal cavity. After ingesting the ground-up seeds, the effects of the medicine are astronomical within only a few minutes. Just like my taking two tabs of LSD, the experience brings on a complete dissolution of mind, body, and identity. However, that was the only similarity. This time, I was guided by a medicine healer who has learned from many Indigenous healers throughout his 45 years of medicine work. Also, I was surrounded by five lovely beings who were helping hold space in complete support of my experience. Each of them, with their own instruments, could sang and played at any time they felt. This time, with the loving support of my circle, I was able to accept death; I am not my thoughts. I am not my trauma. I am not Trevor Mack. I am not a body. I am not even a human. I am part of something much, much greater than myself. And when that happened, I became the universe.
A sketch I drew of the medicine hut in which my Yopo ceremony took place in.
Our umbilical cord of connection to the real has been severed. Intimate, meaningful kinship with rivers, lakes, mountains, and oceans have been replaced by intangible relationships within an ever-multiplying system of 6 concepts. The idea of asking consent to take from the rivers, lakes, mountains, and oceans doesn’t even occur as an afterthought when there isn’t a respectful and reciprocal relationship to tend to in the first place. Sincere, long-lasting relationships take time to develop. Trust between two parties can only blossom with the help of the replenishing showers of sharing experiences and stories with one another, and the fertile soil of a safe space within which to build these relationships.
To begin discussing where we need to go, we need to know where we’re coming from, so in order to heal, we need to feel what we’re healing from.
It’s time to repair a link to our true essence that has been unceremoniously severed by the capitalist-colonialist matrix of oppression. By valiantly stitching it together through the teachings of our elders and medicine healers, we can bring together both worlds of healing; the clinical technology of our modern world and the sacred knowledge of plant medicines, to create a new connection together. A universal connection strung together with mutual understanding, shared experiences, and sincerity.
Recommended reads:
God is Red: A Native View of Religion by Vine Deloria Jr.
Food of the Gods: The Search for the Original Tree of Knowledge by Terence McKenna
Sacred Knowledge: Psychedelics and Religious Experiences by William A. Richards
The Psychedelic Experience: A Manual Based on the Tibetan Book of the Dead by Dr. Timothy Leary
Supernatural: Meetings with the Ancient Teachers of Mankind by Graham Hancock
The World We Used to Live In: Remembering the Powers of the Medicine Men by Vine Deloria Jr.
Sacred Instructions: Indigenous Wisdom for Living Spirit-Based Change by Sherri Mitchell
LSD and the Mind of the Universe: Diamonds from Heaven by Christopher M. Bach
Special thanks:
Dana, Stacey, Edmundo, Jeska, Lori, Margarita, Peter, Preston